Quotes from the Temple of Elementatal Evil

Dedicated to William Robert Bribe

Current as of 2023-05-21

The One liners

“DO NOT COERCE ME INTO A NAP” - Aririck

“Jerry is a dependable person, he would NEVER make a mistake in this” - Autumn

“I can think of different things to think” - Galahad

“well sometimes i am not human” - galahad

“is scrimbile fart around, i hate him” - autumn

“I swear if he damages my book I’ll gut him like a fish” - Aririck

“Let him get the spell so he’ll give me a handy J”- Paraphrased from Jerry

“We have to ask about Miztlfrizbin and his crimes”- Opal

“No, I am a horse lady” - Jeff

“there is no man in this tiny backwater village who can hold my attention” - Opal, as Ornea

“I am on the TRAIL of MITZELFRIZBEN and I’m gonna KNOW” – Aririck

“If he breaks my knees, I got two more” - Autumn(sort of)

“i guess raves are just part of goblin culture”

“I’m much more of a theoretical wizard than a practical wizard” - Aririck

“I am much better in the written word than in person” - arirck

“Cast some SHIT on this BODYYYY” - Jerry, to Autumn

“I will not stand by and allow these people to buy and sell children like they are commodities.” - Autumn

“the hat stays on.” - Aririck

“There’s a very small amount of calories in that protein shake” - Jerry, sort of

“I’ve never purchased a person before” - Aririck

“I drove a hard bargin and they think I’m a pervert” - Aririck

“oh nnnnnnnno, im gonna walk with my legs!’ - Elmo

“I am gonna carry this like a person! not hide it under my hat” - Aririck

“I’m gonna count this fucking money right there on the side of the road” - Aririck

“I’m bringing my wagon, because I want them to see that I also have a business and they can fuck right off” - Autumn

“do you know how fucking old i am” - Aririck

“we will go by mcdonalds later tonight and get you a happy meal” - autumn

“you people, you over-flavor your oats. that’s your biggest trouble.” - Aririck

“idk what an oid is, but he is a little human”

“I ALSO do not wear clothes” - Autumn

“I’m having main character feelings!” - Jerry

“I know there’s evil coming, but for now it just kinda seems like we’re just hanging out at this bed and breakfast” - Aririck

“you cant trust people who smell bad” - galahad

“I’m telling you that we got a jerk artifact” - Aririck

“It’s an emergency glove situation”- Aririck

“don’t worry about him! he’s doing moon stuff!” - Jerry

“i get performance anxiety when i have a tight time table” -aarik

“get em drunk and give em chamomile and lavender” - Jeff

“all you two-legged people look the same to me” - Autumn

“Sometimes you just gotta sacrifice people for the science of it all” - aarik

“… we’re gonna have to pay to replace those gloves” - Aririck

“get your shit together, gnome man, and finish the plan” - Jerry

“yeah, smaller windpipe, same hands” - Jerry

“I’m not doing great!” - Arick

“look at him, he’s like a toddler! he’s like a little child, he can’t take care of himself!” - Autumn (in reference to Aririck)

“I can see why Jerry would be upset” - Arick

“SCOOP” - Autumn

“Jerry’s always running off and getting laid and Galahad doesn’t know how to do anything!” - Autumn

“that ONE TIME I overreacted a LITTLE BIT” - Aririck

“You can’t hit us with the slingshot! You can’t do that!” - Galahad

“We have to remember not to hit each other with slingshots, and remember not to grab things out of liquid metal” - Galahad

“I knew it was bad, but I thought maybe we could sell it to somebody” - Aririck

“I’m not lubing up SHIT right now” - Jerry

“brother smyth is a professional polisher” - Autumn

“I have been going through a bit of an emotional crisis” - Aririck

“well I am a high-quality lad” - Jerry

“St. Cuthbert?? Tall? Beard? Handsome? Hand. some. Would bang.” - Jerry

“Lathander has gifted me with the blessing of create oatmeal” - Autumn

“Autumn, have you ever experienced sexual attraction?” - Jerry

“no. why would I? I’m not in heat” - Autumn

“Okay, well. Let me know if it ever burns when you pee.” - Autumn

“Im used to the scoop” - Aririck

“I’m dealing with a talking dog, here” - Aririck

“dont say that about snorft!” - aririck

“if you will assist me in escaping, I will commit whatever arson you desire” - Aririck

“I am never buying another person” - Aririck

“where were you? watching gnolls. where were we? TALKING TO A GOD” - Jerry

“It’s a knife, and knives aren’t keys” - Galahad

“I am tried of being shown up by little kids” - airik

“the long spicy fairy friend is already there!” - shin tun (about Jerry)

“no i wanna walk myself” - arik, apparently now a toddler

“maybe you should bring some of your chill Lathander vibes and help Black Jay chill out” - Jerry

“my track record of figuring things out when it’s time to know is not very strong” - Aririck

“i dont think im very hard to find” - galahad

“nug … i cant … uh… read” - galahad

“well, you’re smarter than me, so I’m sure you’ll figure it out eventually. keep trying.” - Honey

“‘bark, bark.’ is that how you say ‘fuck ya mutha’ in dog?” - Cabra, as Racist John

“i took an ingenious method to get you here!” - ARK

“they are just running” - ARK

“we gotta find this dude an fuck him up!” - ARK

“i dont have the light of lythander! idk what to do” ARK

“…what about my gibbities??” - Airrick

“I can do trees! It’s kinda my whole thing!” - Honey

“if I get stabbed, I’m telling Lathander on you” - Honey

“Airrick is a goddamn boomer” - Katie

“I don’t have a cat. Or a teapot” - Galahad

“I don’t think I can fit in the moathouse” - Galahad

“the title is something that I can determine. it’s my book.” - Airrick

“there’s a giant pile of money involved? somebody is getting stabbed.” - Honey

“you heard him! betrayal is afoot! he may even be ensorceled!” - Airrick

“you shush. no dooms have been set upon us.” - Jerry

“we’re on a mission from god, and right now, god’s saying, ‘go have a good time.’” - Jerry

“I guarantee you Galahad does not keep a planner.” - Hemlock

“i am not here to fart around!” - Honey

“I have a powerful magic I can bring to bear on this tree. …. well, I can burn it down.” - Airrick

“I can’t unmount” - Autumn

“i got a 3, im very good at this” - scott

“I feel like I’m in my uncle’s buttcheek right now” - Honey

“can bugsby identify magic faster than airrick?” - Jeff

“you have cheese horse, then you get this murder machine” - scott

“If you dont put him down hes gonna come back and eat my liver!” - arrick

“I’ve never talked to a plant, and I’ve never talked to a knife” - Galahad

“Oh… no no no. Frank does not come out. Frank does not come out! No no no!” - Galahad

“I could be back in Hommlet getting laid and instead I’m camping on a forest floor and you wanna take Frank out?! Frank’s not coming out!” - Jerry

“I don’t think that was very nice Jerry, but I don’t think you were wrong…” - Galahad

“I’m here for opening my legs, not opening my heart!” - Jerry

The Players

“just use spells to do some low level crime” - jeff

“I have a back up gnome cap” - Scott

“Let Lathander sort it out” -Scott

“LATHANDER DIDN’T DO THIS!!!” -Jeff

“AND her big horse ass” -Danica

“Frodog Barkgins” -Jeff

“This Jon Pintar character is a mensch” - Scott

“if you want to insult Galahad and you want him to take it, you have to wrap it in cheese first” - Jeffery

“In here with all the gays” -paraphrased from Scott

The Conversations

Opal: “what did Scott roll?”

Scott: “I don’t want to talk about it”

Airrick: “look at me! I’m not cut out for great evil!”

Jerry: “I mean, you did buy a person the other day.”

Airrick: “this is supposed to be a vacation, Jerry!”

galahad: “what is a vacation?”

Jerry: “its when you leave your house and then you lay in the sun at someone else’s house”

Galahad: “oh i dont have a house”

Jerry: “you havent met neera”

Airrick: “no, neera hasn’t met ME”

Jerry: “OK thats like the same sentence”

honey: “well go see what the gnomes are doing and kill their leader”

Airrick: “excuse me”

honey: “wait… the hyenea looking ones not the ones with the hats”

Autumn: “let me see your hand”

Airrick: “no, it’s gross”

honey: “give me your oatmeal you tiny tinkering bastard”

Airrick: “why do you want oatmeal!”

honey: “because I AM DRUNK”

Opal: “it lasts 8 hours”

arirck: “hell yea”

re: The Good Retelling

Galahad: “you want me to train these men”

Brun: “yeah”

Galahad: “well that will be easier probably”

re: Brun’s Badgers

Autumn: “Aririck, would you like some help in managing your mood?”

Aririck: “I’m not going to get high.”

Jerry: “I want to get high, that sounds like fun!”